ANGELS IN THE NURSERY

ANGELS IN THE NURSERY, artykuły anglojęzyczne - psychologia

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ARTI CLE
ANGELS IN THE NURSERY:
THE INTERGENERATIONAL TRANSMISSION
OF BENEVOLENT PARENTAL INFLUENCES
ALICIA F. LIEBERMAN, ELENA PADR
´
N, PATRICIA VAN HORN,
AND WILLIAM W. HARRIS
San Francisco General Hospital and University of California, San Francisco
ABSTRACT:
Fraiberg and her colleagues (1975) introduced the metaphor “ghosts in the nursery” to de-
scribe the ways in which parents, by reenacting with their small children scenes from the parents’ own
unremembered early relational experiences of helplessness and fear, transmit child maltreatment from
one generation to the next. In this article we propose that angels in the nursery—care-receiving experi-
ences characterized by intense shared affect between parent and child in which the child feels nearly
perfectly understood, accepted, and loved—provide the child with a core sense of security and self-worth
that can be drawn upon when the child becomes a parent to interrupt the cycle of maltreatment. We argue
that uncovering angels as growth-promoting forces in the lives of traumatized parents is as vital to the
work of psychotherapy as is the interpretation and exorcizing of ghosts. Using clinical case material, we
demonstrate the ways in which early benevolent experiences with caregivers can protect against even
overwhelming trauma, and examine the reemergence of these benevolent ﬁgures in consciousness as an
instrument of therapeutic change. Finally, we examine implications of the concept of “angels in the
nursery” for research and clinical intervention.
RESUMEN:
Fraiberg y sus colegas (1975) introdujeron la met´fora “fantasmas en la habitaci´n” para
describir las maneras en que los padres transmiten el maltratamiento infantil de una generaci´n a la otra,
por medio de poner en escena, con sus ni˜os peque˜os, situaciones de sus propias -si bien no recordadas-
experiencias de miedo y falta de ayuda en sus tempranas relaciones en sus tempranas relaciones. En este
ensayo, proponemos que “´ngeles en la habitaci´n,” experiencias del cuidado recibido, caracterizadas
por un intenso y compartido afecto entre padre o madre e infante, en las cuales el infante se siente casi
perfectamente comprendido, aceptado y amado, proveen a ´ste con un sentido central de seguridad y
autovalor al que se puede recurrir cuando el infante se convierte en padre o madre, con el ﬁn de interrumpir
el ciclo de maltratamiento. Sostenemos que dejar al descubierto “´ngeles” como una fuerza que promueve
el crecimiento en las vidas de padres o madres traumatizados es tan vital para el trabajo de la sicoterapia
como la interpretaci´n y el exorcismo de “fantasmas.” Por medio del uso de material de casos cl´nicos,
demostramos las maneras por medio de las cuales las tempranas experiencias benevolentes con quienes
nos prestaban el cuidado pueden proteger aun contra el trauma abrumador. Tambi´n examinamos la
reaparici´n de estas im´genes benevolentes en la conciencia como un instrumento de cambio terap´utico.
Support for the writing of this article was provided by the Coydog Foundation. Direct correspondence to: Alicia F.
Lieberman, San Francisco General Hospital, Building 20, Suite 2100,1001 Potrero Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94110;
e-mail: Alicia
lieberman@sfgh.org.
INFANT MENTAL HEALTH JOURNAL,
Vol. 26(6), 504– 520 (2005)
2005 Michigan Association for Infant Mental Health
Published online in Wiley InterScience (www.interscience.wiley.com). DOI: 10.1002/imhj.20071
504
Angels in the Nursery
●
505
Finalmente, examinamos las implicaciones del concepto de “´ngeles en la habitaci´n” en cuanto a la
investigaci´n y la intervenci´n cl´nica.
R
´
SUM
´
:
Fraiberg et ses coll`gues (1975) ont ´t´ les premiers ` pr´senter la m´taphore “fantˆmes dans
la chambre d’enfant» pour d´crire les mani`res dont les parents, en reproduisant avec leurs enfants en
bas ˆge des sc`nes de leurs propres exp´riences inconscientes relationnelles d’impuissance et de peur,
transmettent un mauvais traitement d’une g´n´ration ` l’autre. Dans cet article, nous proposons que les
anges dans la chambre d’enfant, des exp´riences de mode de soin caract´ris´es par un affect intense
partag´ entre le parent et l’enfant durant lequel l’enfant se sent presque parfaitement compris, accept´,
aim´, offre ` l’enfant un sens fondamental de s´curit´ et d’estime de soi qui peut ˆtre retrouv´ lorsque
l’enfant devient parent, pour interrompre le cycle de mauvais traitement. Nous pensons que le fait de
d´couvrir ces anges en tant que forces de promotion de croissance dans les vies de parents traumatis´s
est tout aussi crucial pour le travail de psychoth´rapie que l’est l’interpr´tation et l’exorcisme des fan-
tˆmes. En utilisant des cas cliniques, nous d´montrons les mani`res dont de bonnes exp´riences pr´coces
avec des modes de soin peuvent offrir une protection contre les traumas, mˆmes les plus accablants, et
nous examinons la r´apparition de ces ˆtres bienveillants dans la conscience comme un instrument de
changement th´rapeutique. Enﬁn, nous examinons les implications du concept d’«anges dans la chambre
d’enfant» pour les recherches et l’intervention clinique.
ZUSAMMENFASSUNG:
Fraiberg und Kollegen haben 1975 die Metapher: Geister im Kinderzimmer ein-
gef¨hrt, um die Art zu beschreiben in der Eltern – indem sie mit ihren kleinen Kindern Szenen der
Hilﬂosigkeit und der Angst wieder inszenieren –, die aus den nicht erinnerten fr¨hen Beziehungserfah-
rungen stammen, Misshandlung von einer Generation zur n¨chsten weitergeben. In dieser Arbeit schlagen
wir den Engel im Kinderzimmer vor: Betreuungserfahrungen, die sich durch intensiv gemeinsam em-
pfundene Gef¨hle zwischen Eltern und Kind auszeichnen bei denen sich das Kind fast ideal verstanden,
akzeptiert und geliebt f¨hlt. Dies gibt dem Kind ein grundlegendes Gef¨hl der Sicherheit und Selbstwert
auf das zur¨ckgegriffen werden kann, wenn das Kind selbst Eltern wird, um den Zyklus der Misshandlung
zu unterbrechen. Wir behaupten, dass die Entdeckung von Engeln als Wachstumsfaktoren im Leben
traumatisierter Eltern ebenso in der psychotherapeutischen Arbeit lebenswichtig ist, als die Interpretation
und das Exorzieren von Geistern. Durch Verwendung von Fallgeschichten demonstrieren wir den Weg
in dem fr¨he, hilfreiche Erfahrungen mit Bezugspersonen sogar gegen ein ¨berw¨ltigendes Trauma
sch¨tzen k¨nnen und ¨berpr¨fen das Wiederauftreten dieser hilfreichen Figuren im Bewusstsein als ein
Instrument der therapeutischen Ver¨nderung. Zuletzt untersuchen wir das Konzept der „Engeln im Kin-
derzimmer“ im Hinblick auf Forschung und klinische Intervention.
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A.F. Lieberman et al.
***
A grandfather observes from a distance while his son, a young father, attends tenderly to
his own new baby. The joy he feels in watching them brings back a scene from long ago,
when a surge of happiness washed over him as he looked at his wife playing lovingly with
their then small son. Finding himself thinking at once about the present and about the past,
he muses: “There are angels that pass on from one generation to another, but they are seldom
noticed or talked about” (Harris, personal communication, April 23, 2003).
In reliving this moment, the grandfather came to the deep realization that his son’s de-
lighted ease in ministering to the baby carried the imprint of the loving parenting his son’s
mother had herself received as a child. The scene had evoked for him the memory of his wife’s
tender mothering of their son and then led him to reminisce about the deep bonds between his
wife and her mother. In this sequence, the seemingly unremarkable scene of a father caring for
his baby becomes the carrier of the profoundly important protective intergenerationalinﬂuences
that foster the healthy development of children everywhere. In being observed, the scene also
shows us four generations coming together, each with a very special role, in celebratingparent–
child relationships.
In the spiritual tradition of many cultures, angels are benevolent spiritual beings who
mediate between heaven and earth, acting as messengers from the divine and often serving as
protective guardians (Murray, 1971). We propose that from a psychological perspective, angels
emerge from childhood memories deeply connected to the phenomenology of care-receiving
experiences that are characterized by intense shared affect between parent and child and provide
the child with a core sense of worth and security. These messages of intrinsic goodness and
unconditional love constitute the essence of the angel. As they enact scenes from their own
past, parents unknowingly carry forth the angels from their childhoods into their babies’ nurs-
eries. In this way, the message of the “angels in the nursery” is transmitted to the next generation
in the form of benevolent inﬂuences that guard the course of development.
In ideal circumstances, self-afﬁrming inﬂuences move silently in the lives of children,
wrapping each successive generation in the security that comes from being loved, accepted,
and understood. In darker moments, these “angels in the nursery” square off against their more
famous siblings, the ghosts (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975), doing battle with them to
keep intact the protective shield of parental love that surrounds young children and endeavoring
to repair the damage when malevolent inﬂuences from the past break through. Ghosts and
angels coexist in dynamic tension with each other, at times actively struggling for supremacy
and at other times reverting to a quiescent state that allows the person to temporarily inhabit a
“conﬂict-free ego sphere” (Hartmann, 1939) where adaptation to the external world takes prec-
edence over intrapsychic preoccupations. Their host may or may not be consciously aware of
their presence or their meaning because emotional states and frames of mind are usually felt
in the moment, without reference to their origin in the person’s past experiences.
In this article, we examine the chiaroscuro of ghosts and angels in the nursery moving
together to shape the development of children, and argue that the uncovering of angels as
growth-promoting forces in the lives of traumatized parents is as important to therapeutic work
as the containing, taming, and exorcizing of ghosts. Our clinical experience indicates that the
recovery and integration into consciousness of early experiences of safety, intimacy, joy, and
Angels in the Nursery
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507
other pleasurable experiences can promote a more nuanced appreciation of early relationships
with primary caregivers and encourage a greater sense of self-worth and emotional investment
in developmentally appropriate goals. This enlarged therapeutic perspective is relevant to the
treatment of traumatic stress, which currently emphasizes a therapeutic focus on traumatic
reminders and other triggers that blur the boundaries between remembering a traumatic event
and reliving it (Marmar, Foy, Kagan, & Pynoos, 1993; Pynoos, 1997; Pynoos, Steinberg, &
Piacentini, 1999). We propose that the parallel identiﬁcation of “beneﬁcial cues” (Harris, 2004)
can hasten recovery from trauma by placing the traumatic cues within the larger perspective
of nurturing and growth-promoting experiences. Our goal is to create a counterbalance for the
prevailing tendency of relationship-based interventions in infancy to either focus primarily on
current parent–child interactions or to explore the parent’s early experiences of pain, conﬂict,
and alienation from caregivers (see Osofsky, 2004; Sameroff, McDonough, & Rosenblum,
2004; Stern, 1995). When the emotional polarities associated with early conﬂictful and benev-
olent experiences is brought to consciousness, object constancy can be attained and results in
increased emotional integration and tolerance for ambivalence (Mahler, Pine, & Bergman,
1975). The recovery and full reexperience of loving early memories is an indispensable ﬁrst
step in this process.
In developing our thesis, we begin by reviewing Fraiberg et al.’s (1975) formulation of
ghosts in the nursery. In the sections that follow, we expand on the parallel concept of angels
in the nursery, ﬁrst exploring the ways in which parents recover a connection with these
beneﬁcent forces in their early lives. We then describe the ways in which early benevolent
experiences with caregivers can work as protective forces even in the face of overwhelming
trauma. Finally, we examine the reemergence in consciousness of these benevolent experiences
as a powerful instrument of change in the therapeutic process. We conclude by examining some
implications of the concept of “angels in the nursery” for research and clinical intervention.
The clinical material was gathered from child–parent psychotherapy with an ethnically and
socioeconomically diverse sample of children aged from birth to 6 years and their parents. The
children were referred because of symptoms associated with witnessing domestic violence, phys-
ical abuse, or traumatic bereavement. All the parents were exposed to traumatic stressors as
adults, and for approximately half of the parents, the traumatic experiences began in childhood.
Parenting difﬁculties in this group were pervasive and took the form of severe conﬂicts in the
child–parent relationship (Lieberman, 2004; Lieberman & Van Horn, 1998). We reviewed clin-
ical charts containing narrative notes of therapeutic sessions and assessment protocols that in-
cluded transcripts of the Adult Attachment Interview (George, Kaplan, & Main, 1996), a quas-
iclinical interview where responders are asked to describe their childhood experiences with their
parents. In the course of forming a therapeutic relationship, we asked parents to reﬂect on their
early years, their relationships with their parents, and their thoughts on how these experiences
inﬂuenced their hopes for their children’s future. We examined parental narratives in assessment
instruments and clinical notes to identify early experiences of love, care, and nurturing that might
stand out as sources of strength in the parents’ sense of themselves and ability to care for their
children. In the course of the study, some of the clinicians were moved by the image of angels
in the nursery to write down their memories of personal experiences evoked by this concept. All
the examples have been modiﬁed to protect conﬁdentiality.
GHOSTS IN THE NURSERY: IDENTIFICATION WITH
THE AGGRESSOR
The image of ghosts in the nursery has become a metaphor of unsurpassed power since Selma
Fraiberg coined it nearly 30 years ago to describe the parents’ excruciating enactment with
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A.F. Lieberman et al.
their small child of scenes from the parents’ own unremembered, but still painfully inﬂuential,
early experiences of helplessness and fear (Fraiberg et al., 1975). The ghosts, representing the
repetition of the past in the present, acquire corporeal form through punitive or neglectful
caregiving practices. The parent fails to recognize the meaning of the child’s signals of need,
either ignoring or misconstruing them as evidence of the child’s inherent badness and respond-
ing with anger and rejection. In these instances, the immediacy of the parent’s visceral reaction
takes precedence over the baby’s developmental needs. As the recipient of the parent’s negative
attributions, the child progressively internalizes a sense of self as unworthy and undeserving
of love that can derail the course of healthy development (Bowlby, 1980; Lieberman, 1997,
2000; Silverman & Lieberman, 1999).
In her seminal work with mental health disorders in infancy, Fraiberg (1980) attributed
the havoc caused by the ghosts of the parental past not to the actual events but to the repression
of the
affects
associated with terrifying early memories. She viewed repression and isolation
of affect as providing “motive and energy” for the enactment of punitive caregiving patterns
that represent “identiﬁcation with the betrayers and the aggressors” (pp. 134–135). When
enacted between parent and child, identiﬁcation with the aggressor is formed to protect the
vulnerable ego from external attack by acquiring the feared characteristics of the attacker (A.
Freud, 1936/1966; Pynoos, 1997). The abused becomes the abuser because perpetrating pain
is used as a protection against feeling it.
While providing the basis for inﬂuential clinical interventions, this theoretical modelleaves
unaddressed the question of why many parents do not repeat with their children the patterns
of abuse and neglect they were subjected to while growing up. As expressed by Fraiberg (1980),
the “unresolved mystery is why, under conditions of extremity, in early childhood, some chil-
dren...donotmake the fateful alliance with the aggressor” (p. 135). In the quarter century
since she posed this question, the challenge of pinpointing how individual differences account
for the vast variety of responses to similarly traumatic circumstances remains a lively area of
exploration. In our clinical work with children and their parents traumatized by exposure to
various forms of interpersonal violence, we have observed a broad range of parental response,
from anger at the traumatized child to an exquisite attunement to the child’s suffering and
determination to restore the child’s emotional health. A similar range of parental responses has
been reported in nonclinical settings where the plight of traumatized children is brought to the
attention of the authorities such as law enforcement (Osofsky, Hammer, Freeman, & Rovaris,
2004), the child protective system (Smyke, Wajda-Johnson, & Zeanah, 2004), and the courts
(Osofsky & Lederman, 2004; Van Horn & Hitchens, 2004).
Parental anger at the child in need can often be understood in light of the “ghosts in the
nursery” model. But what are the inﬂuences on parents who, despite their own childhood
traumas, protect their child from a repetition of the past? We hypothesized that if we were able
to identify these inﬂuences, we might be able to incorporate them into the repertoire of ther-
apeutic techniques that enable maltreating parents to ﬁnd empathy with their children’s vul-
nerability and to discover their crucial role as the child’s protectors.
ANGELS IN THE NURSERY: THE TRANSMISSION OF
NURTURING EXPERIENCES IN EARLY DEVELOPMENT
The pivotal role of human relationships in shaping the sense of self, beginning at birth with
the mother–child bond, has been extensively elaborated. The importance of caregiver emo-
tional availability and empathic responsiveness in helping the infant and young child to regulate
affect and organize internal experience is a recurrent theme in these investigations, and efforts
to describe the speciﬁcs of these processes have yielded terms that have become the coins of
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